By George Carlin
April 7, 2005
Forward courtesy of Ashealy <ashealy@btinternet.>
George Carlin Imponderables:
1. If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several
times, does he become disoriented?
2. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people
from Holland called Holes?
3. Why do we say something is out of whack? What's a whack?
4. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
5. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
6. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
7. When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts"
and you put your two cents in... What happens to the other penny?
8. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
9. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they
just stale bread to begin with ?
10.When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?
11. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but
a person who drives a racecar not called a racist?
12. Why are a wise man and wise guy opposites?
13. Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
14. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
15. "I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in
the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?
16. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't
it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys
deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons
debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
17. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed
18. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
19. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of
20. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible
a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me... they're cramming
for their final exam.
21. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny
little spoons and forks so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?
22. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office?
What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their
pictures on the postage stamps so the
mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?
23. If it's true that we are here to help others, then what
exactly are the others here for?
24. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
25. No one ever says, "It's only a game" when their
team is winning.
26. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it
27. Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime
next door went nuts.
28. If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
29. Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?
All information posted on this web site is
the opinion of the author and is provided for educational purposes only.
It is not to be construed as medical advice. Only a licensed medical doctor
can legally offer medical advice in the United States. Consult the healer
of your choice for medical care and advice.