By Philip N. Ledoux
February 7, 2005
We had a president who avoided the draft, and another who
is still president forget to show up for combat training and never got his
wrists slapped with a wet noodle. But you and I are mere mortals, what can
we do? Some escaped to Canada, but the Canadian and Mexican borders are
melting away so fast they just might disappear.
The not so obvious is the solution. Sally forth, line up
and raise your right hand.
If you think I'm crazy, read on. Where is the best place to
hide? Right in plain sight. My mother used to hide her delicious, fresh
baked pies right in plain sight. It worked because we were hunting for hiding
places. As farmers, my father and I could divide one of mom's pies in half
and it would be all gone before she ever knew we were in the house. Now,
why not use mom's strategy?
If they catch you for evading the draft, you'll end up in
the hoosegow, slammer, rock pile gang. In some cases, with black being white
and up being down and left being right, you just might be the recipient
of high speed lead poisoning for resisting the draft. Why risk it? Just
go to the sign up station and participate, but participate intelligently.
No, I am NOT CRAZY. Hide right in plain sight.
Starting right now start practicing. Are your parents willing
to help you practice? Got some STRONG, healthy friends who will help you
practice? You will need assistants. Not for when you get to the draft station,
but BEFORE you get there. How long can you stand at "attention"?
You've seen it enough on TV to know what to do. Stand at attention. Have
your father whap you as hard as he can with the flat of his hand (just short
of breaking bones) on your back. In other words if he is right handed, he
stands at your left shoulder and swings his right arm in a mighty swing.
Remember, you are supposed to be at attention! Stiff. Not a muscle relaxed,
that is "at attention". That is why the order is quickly given
"at ease", well trained men have a limit of being "at attention".
The object of this "game" is for you to retain the "at attention"
position regardless of what happens to you. If you go flat on your face,
you have to retain the "at attention" position in the horizontal
position. "You're shitting me man!" No, I am dead serious. Do
you want to be a casualty of war, come home to die of DU poisoning, or crippled
for life with lungs damaged by friendly bio-warfare? If you don't want that,
let's get back to survival training before arriving at the recruiting station.
Assume the "Attention" position. Arms straight down
at the sides. Every muscle flexed. Not overly flexed but with some tension.
How long can you stand in that position? Three minutes? Sissy. The object
is to work up so that you can do it for at least an hour, no cheating half
relaxing during the hour. Hey man, I've been in the military, I'm trying
to help you stay out of the military, but you gotta follow some basic instructions
and basic training BEFORE so that you can stay out. I still sound crazy
don't I? Hang in there. Training to stay out of the military is more difficult
than training after you get in. And I'm dead serious, so follow instructions
to the letter.
The most important part is maintaining the "at attention"
position under any and all conditions. Got a brat sister or brother? Good.
While you are in the "Attention" position have them run up behind
you and knock you down. You might have to take a handicap and have them
use a pillow to not damage your back. Allow them all the dirty tricks. You
are to maintain the "Attention" position, vertical if possible,
but you cannot move your feet even an sixteenth of an inch, not one smidgen!
Those feet have to remain stationary, shoes touching at the sides, never
varying a bit even if you are falling over on your face. You are allowed
to twist by body movement so you don't break your nose or cranium, but those
legs and feet have to remain "in position" of "Attention".
Yes, you are going to get some cuts and bruises in this training. You have
a choice, this kind of training, or high-speed-lead-poisoning training.
It's your choice. You have no other.
Once you feel that you have mastered the "at Attention"
position from vertical to horizontal, now comes the tough part. Have someone
blindfold you; then assume the "Attention" position, then holler
"ready". The object now is for a grown person, adult or blacksmith
to push you, whack you or knee jerk you to move your feet out of position.
You'll need a few jars of Ben Gay to get you through this phase. This isn't
just a one hour exercise. You have to go through this at least two weeks
half an hour every day. Yes, pissy ass diabolical training. Admitted. The
borders will soon be closed, and you will need your internal passport to
cross any state line. That narrows the choices down to the training I am
trying to give you, or have a bulls-eye taped to your back and front so
the Zambabweans, North Koreans, Iranians, Burmese or Cubans can use you
for target practice. Got it?
Ready? Hup, One, Two, Halt. Dummy, I gotcha! You flunked the
test. Remember I never told you to march, ONLY "Attention". 100
pushups for being a dummy. That's what you get in training when you screw
up. And if the drill sergeant (CPO, etc.) doesn't like you he plants his
foot in your back and applies pressure while you push up and he helps you
down whammo hard. You're trying to avoid high-speed-lead-poisoning, expect
some bruises along the way to avoid real torture.
"Attention". "Forward March". Did I sucker
you in on that one? The object of this training is to assume ONLY the position
known in the military as "Attention". That and nothing else. But
you have to maintain it vertically, horizontally, and any position inbetween,
under any and all circumstances.
Believe me, although it may sound like I have exaggerated
the above, It is dead serious. You have to be able to maintain the position
with locked knees, immovable shoes and feet under any and all conditions.
Burn that into your pea sized brain, as the drill master repeats over and
over when they gotcha.
Now, how in the hell do you apply this to the draft? Real
simple. I hope I have your attention by now. "At Ease", relax,
engage brain. I will tell you once and once only. From then on, your life
is in your own hands.
In EVERY war America has had, EVERY participant was a VOLUNTEER.
Do I have to repeat? I didn't stutter, or hallucinate. ALL were Volunteers.
Yes we were drafted. I was drafted. I remember the ceremony. A pep talk,
a little about patriotism, a little about the great documents of liberty,
then they taught us how to dress up ranks. That only means, stand in neat
rows from side to side and front to back. Fancy names for simple things.
"Now raise your right hand and repeat after me . . ." And we all
raise our right hands, and if any of us appear to be mumbling, the "master
of ceremonies" stops and starts all over again with warnings. It is
my understanding that all the way through this much of the ceremony, none
of us have committed ourselves to join any military. We have vowed to uphold
the Constitution, defend our country, etc. but nothing yet about joining
Here is the clincher: The next command is: "Everyone
volunteering to serve in (Army, Navy, etc.) step forward one step"
That is the key in the ceremony. You haven't been drafted you have volunteered.
Incredible, no? The ceremony is touching to anyone with a smidgen of patriotism;
and yet we all volunteered. And volunteering is the key.
If you are serious about avoiding the draft, go to the draft
station when assigned or told to. And you better have been serious about
the training I suggested that you take before you go. When you get there,
and they start gathering you up, weasel your way to the back, and hopefully,
manage to have your back close enough to the wall that nobody can get behind
you, but that isn't always possible. Finally, when the command is given
to step one step forward, your "Attention" training automatically
takes over. You become an immovable statue. There are plenty of "assistants"
who are watching to make certain everybody takes that "one step forward".
They are going to shove you, push you, do anything they can to make you
make that "one step forward". Now does maintaining the "Attention"
position in the horizontal make sense? This old cuss wasn't as crazy as
he sounded is he? To say it kindly, "they" are going to be pissed,
Royally Pissed! You may need some Ben Gay! But remember, that's better than
high-speed-lead-poisoning. They will forcibly haul your ass off to the brig.
You might get bread and water. Don't worry, if you are healthy, you can
survive on water for 40 days or so, and their nerves will be frayed to a
frazzle before then. They will try to put you through the ceremony again.
Hang tough, and maintain the "Attention" position. Got the idea?
It will be a battle of wits; who will win? They hope they can wear you down,
I don't think they will use torture at this phase of the game, although
I cannot guarantee it. The worse that can happen is when they give up, they
will give you your now ill fitting civilian clothes and escort you to the
main gate of the military complex. You are now a free man. You'll need pre-arrangements
for someone to accept a collect call, etc. You have answered your draft
call. As I said, it requires more training to avoid military service than
after you have entered military service.
Now, you are on your own. Think it all over. I cannot give
you advice, nor counsel, nor take responsibility for anything that happens;
if I did, I would be practicing law without a license to the Bar. So you
are completely on your own. My best to you. I had the privilege of setting
in the mud in a submarine while the Russians depth charged us for three
hours all in peace time. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. Good luck.
All information posted on this web site is
the opinion of the author and is provided for educational purposes only.
It is not to be construed as medical advice. Only a licensed medical doctor
can legally offer medical advice in the United States. Consult the healer
of your choice for medical care and advice.