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Letters to The Editor

Memo on Slats Grobnik
May 14, 2006

Subject: Who the Heck is Slats Grobnik?
From: "David Hofer" <>
Date: Sun, May 14, 2006 6:55 pm

Hello Editor:

As I recall Mike Royko had a fictional alter ego called Slats Grobnik.

"Of course, Uncle Chester, along with Slats Grobnik and Aunt Wanda, didn't really exist. I'm sure that Sam Sianis, the proprietor of Royko's beloved Billy Goat Tavern, didn't say many of the things Royko attributed to him. I'm not sure how many of Royko's readers understood that much of what he wrote was facetious or fictionalized. These days, newspaper writers are no longer allowed the kind of license he took."

I have searched the internet and I had found mention of Slats in the IMDB movie database,

Then there was a Slats Grobnik used as fictional character in a moot court:
<> &id=1335

Harris Participates in Humanities Festival's Mock Appeal

Partner Philip L. Harris <> led the defense for "Fat Food Corporation" against "Slats Grobnik," the
fictitious plaintiff in Slats Grobnik vs. Fat Food, a mock appeal staged on November 13 at Northwestern University School of Law as part of the 2004
Chicago Humanities Festival.

Joining Mr. Harris as a lawyer for the fictitious fast-food company which the plaintiff charged was causing his obesity, was Alan Salpeter of Mayer,
Brown, Rowe & Maw. The legal team for "Slats Grobnik" was Leslie Smith of Kirkland & Ellis and Bernard Tresnowski of Legal Assistance Foundation of Chicago.

Judging the mock appeal were Hon. Suzanne B. Conlan, U.S. District Court Judge for the Northern District of Illinois; Hon. Charles P. Kocoras, Chief
Judge of the U.S. District Court for the Northern District of Illinois, and Hon. Warren D. Wolfson, Illinois Appellate Court Justice. The program was
moderated by William Jentes, an independent arbitrator and mediator, and an adjunct professor at the University of Chicago and University of Michigan
Law Schools.

"We have plenty of information available to us about food," Mr. Harris argued in front of the audience of approximately 300 people. Mr. Harris
serves on the Board of Directors of the Humanities Festival, in addition to being a Trustee of Northwestern University.

"Have you ever heard the phrase 'He got caught with his hand in the basket of fruit'? Of course not: He got caught with his hand in the cookie jar!"
Mr. Harris said.

I hate to accuse anybody of being dishonest, but the only source that brings up Slats Grobnik as a real person is,, and the
Greg Syzmanski show on Not to accuse Greg of being a faker, but I could not help stifling a giggle when he brought up Slats Grobnik to Ms. Fisher, the lady who got arrested on some disorderly charge. Also if Leo Wanta has really filed a case on a Virginia Court, then why won't Greg post the cover page to the lawsuit or the judgment for the 27.5 trillion case? I wish Mike Royko was still around to give his opinion. He must be spinning his grave from being so pissed off. Well, have a nice day.

David Hofer

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